Marriage and funerals are very similar. They are both a ceremony celebrating the transition from one life to another life. The death of an old one and the beginning of a new one.
We do joke in western society that our life is over once we are married. Then in western life, we try to retain our individuality while trying to live life together with someone else. This life with the other person is like no other relationship. We have friends that we live life with but they go home at the end of the day. We live life with our children but one day they grow up and leave the house (albeit less in 2014 than in 1997). We also have significant others. Sometimes we live with that significant other. While many in this situation may spend their entire lives together, this is still not the same commitment as in marriage. I don't doubt they love each other very much but what binds that relationship? Some would say the only difference between this relationship and marriage is a piece of paper. Of course married folks get divorced quite a bit in our society. If you think it's easy to get divorced then you have never been through it. You find out quickly that that piece of papers binds a lot but it's not just that paper. It's the emotional upheaval. It's the ripping apart of a spirit. It hurts and hurts a lot. I don't care what the situation was that led to the divorce the pain is strong.
Marriage is death. It is the death of the individual. It means that the needs, wants, desires and dreams of the individual have to mesh with another individual. It means something more than compromise. Compromise means that two people agree on something that makes them happy about parts of it and not so happy about other parts of the deal. In marriage, both need to be happy with the end result. They must agree they are doing the best for their marriage. If one party even thinks that part of the agreement hurts them in someway or is less than desirable, the marriage will have a huge strain.
The individual is very important in western society and seems to be essential to American life. This puts marriage at odds with our values. We want our cake and eat it too. We want to still be an individual when it fits our interests and a couple when it fits our other interests. In a marriage, the two become one. When it comes to a person's body, the left leg cannot decide to run while the right leg decides to walk. It does not work. In our society, we are told to pursue what will make us happy. We want to get the most out of life for ourselves. If the career requires moving then move, no matter the cost to the marriage. Go back to school and get the next degree, no matter the cost to the marriage. Doing these things are not bad things. In fact, they can improve the marriage. Sometimes there may not be any other choice but to do these things. Before making these decisions, the couple must make sure there will be no resentment. They both must be willing to make the changes or not make the changes without any regret. They must know the good of the marriage outways the good of the individual.
I am sure that some will read this and think it is backwards thinking. They will say that two people can pursue their own interests and still keep a marriage together. I would say to them that the key is putting the other's needs ahead of your own. If one has a great opportunity then encourage them to take it and support them fully. Also make sure that your opportunities never sacrifice any part of the marriage. The marriage must be priority one.
There are many examples of God's relationship to us. Savior, father, brother and friend just to mention a few. The one that will be the ultimate relationship with God will be His marriage to the church at the end. We are reminded as men to love our wife as Christ loves the church. That means to protect and to sacrifice. He gave up everything. Not just talking about His life but also separation from the Father just out of love for us. So when we are told to love like Christ, it means much more than a feeling. It's an action.
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